Introduction
Hi, I am made this guide to help muslim girls, like myself, who find themselves in love or in serious long term relationships with their sikh boyfriends and wishing to marry them but dont know how to.
About Me
I am Amina a british pakistani woman whose been happily married with her long term Sikh boyfriend now husband for 8years now. I have had two kids with him (alisha kaur and hasan singh). I first met Ranjit while at university while in the 2nd year of university. He was an average looking asian guy, with short hair and a little box beard…he didnt particuarly stand out of the crowd at first. I didnt particularly liked associating with guys let alone non-muslim guys but he was keen on getting to know me as we were in the same class and course and after a few weeks we became friends. As months went by I started to notice I began to develop some feelings for him as we met regularly up to study together helping each other on coursework and meeting up at the Student Union area to chill out, we were practically going out with each other in all but name. One day took me to a restruant and after our meal he asked me out, I accepted to offically be his girlfriend and it felt good to be in a proper relationship with a guy who truely loved me for me, guys I had been out with previously were all muslim yet treated me like crap, playing with my mind thinking we had a future yet never told me they had girls on the side or were due to be married with someone back home (pakistan) their family had chosen. I was tired of hypocrisy of pakistani/muslim men, talk of marriage and relationships depressed me… meeting Ranjit changed all that he gave me hope for the future I never had before.
Months went by and we got closer and closer, I know this was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had grown deep feelings for him and I wanted him to know if he was serious about me. One night while on the phone to him, I asked him what would his family say if they found out he was dating a muslim girl and wanted to marry her. He told me it would be difficult but regardless of their wishes he would marry me even if the family dissapproved. This was all I wanted to hear, and we got engaged secretly a few days after. After graduating both I and Ranjit got full jobs and worked 9-5 to save up for a flat, after a few months we had enough for a deposit and we got a flat without telling our parents. This was way if worst came to the worst we had a place to live if our families didnt accept relationship. Finally we decided to get married but had to break it to our families. For me it wasnt easy declaring my intentions to marry someone who wasnt muslim, as I come from a strict muslim pakistani family. I knew they wouldnt accept him as in Islam a woman is not supposed to marry a non-muslim yet a muslim man can marry anyone he wants. This was one of many reasons I left Islam and my family behind to be with the man I love, the hypocrisy of it all I could not stand and gave me new determination to live my life how i want to. Ranjit’s family after much talking came around to the idea of having me as their daughter in law and I eventually got married at a gurdwara soon after. We moved into our flat shortly after and 2 years later brought a house and sold the flat. I’m glad I made the tough decisions I made earlier on as now happily married with 2 beautiful kids and living life how I want to with man I love. Too many muslim girls I have talked to had non-muslims who they loved yet never had the courage to commit to a long term future. This is why I wanted to share my story, and stories of other muslims girls who were in similar situation and give guidence marry a guy who isnt from your community or religion.
How to Get Married in A Sikh Ceremony
Sikhs are encouraged to marry, and marriage is called ‘Anand karaj‘, which means ‘ the ceremony of happiness’. The Gurus taught that the family life was very important and being married is thought to be a necessary part of this. Many Sikh weddings are arranged marriages, and even if the couple have suggested their marriage the families will still be very involved. Its customary for the groom to be older than the bride is. A marriage cannot take place unless both the bride and groom agree to it.
On the evening before the wedding, the bride’s friends and female relatives may meet at her house. They have a party, where she is given money and special sweet foods.
They paint beautiful patterns on her hands and feet with a special dye, which last for several days.
Setting of the wedding
Sikh weddings usually take place in the morning. They must always take place in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib. In Britain, they are usually held in the Gurdwara. Any Sikh may perform the marriage ceremony, provided that both families have chosen him or her.
On the morning of the wedding
On the morning of the wedding, the bridegroom and his relatives are welcome to the bride’s house, where they are given refreshments. Often presents are exchanged; usually things like cloth for turbans or clothing. Then they all go to the Gurdwara. The bridegroom usually wears a red or pink turban and has a scarf around his neck. He sits at the front, in front of the Guru Granth Sahib. The bride’s father puts a garland of flowers on the Guru Granth Sahib. The bride enters, with her sister or other female relative. She wears red, often with beautiful gold jewellery. After bowing to the Guru Granth Sahib as usual, she sits next to the bridegroom, and is given a garland of flowers by her father.
The Ceremony
Readings from the Guru Granth Sahib are an important part of the wedding. The couple and their parents stand while prayers are said asking the God’s blessing on the marriage. A passage from the Guru Granth Sahib is read, and the person reading the service gives a talk about marriage and what it means. The couples are asked if they understand and accept their responsibilities to each other as a husband and wife. When they have nodded their agreement the bride’s father gives her the one end of the scarf. This is a symbol that they are being joined together as husband and wife. She holds the scarf for the rest of the ceremony.
Lavan
The most important part of the ceremony follows. This is the reading of the Lavan, a hymn written for weddings by Guru Ramdas. It has four verses, which are spoken one at a time, and then sung. Each verse explains something about marriage.
As each verse is sung, the bride and the groom walk in a clockwise direction around the Guru Granth Sahib. When they have done this for the forth time, they are married. Everyone stands to join in the Ardaas prayer, and there may be speeches before everyone shares the Kara Parshad. A meal follows, which may be held in the Langar room.
If your thinking of converting but worried that your the only one who has ever left islam for sikhism, dont be.. as many have but do not openly declare their apostaphy of islam and embracing of Sikhism. Some who have are listed below:
Leeds, Alia Kaur is the sister of 7/7 London suicide
bomber Hasib Hussain. Kaur embraced the
Sikh way of life in the late 1990s. Her strict Muslim
family disowned her after discovering about
her conversion.
Muskan Kaur, formerly Muska Kakar – Muska is
the daughter of a high ranking Afghanistan Army
official in the Hamid Karzai administration and
comes from a devout Muslim family. She now
lives in the Holy city of Amritsar and has become
something of a celebrity in the Punjabi media.
Ayesha Kaur Duggal, formerly Aisha Jafri -
Born in Lahore, Ayesha is a medical doctor who
studied at Lady Harding Medical College in Delhi.
She is the wife of the eminent Kartar Duggal,
author of several exegeses on Sikh Scripture and
philosophy, and the sister-in-law of poet Ali
Sardar Jafri. Ayesha was married at the Golden
Temple in Amritsar according to Sikh rites.
Shemina Kaur, formerly Shemian Hirji – A Canadian
born Muslim who, prior to her conversion
to Sikhism, had published several scholarly papers,
including ‘Teachers of Punjabi Sikh Ancestry:
Their Perceptions of Their Roles in the British
Columbia Education System’, written as part
of her Master’s thesis.
Ajmer Singh, formerly Abul Turrani – A spy working
for the Mughal Emperor Aurangzeb, Ajmer
Singh took Amrit at Anandpur Sahib in 1699 by the
hand of Guru Gobind Singh himself.
Latif Singh Diaye - Latif is the son of renowned
Senegalese-American Imam Xadir Diaye. Latif is a
court stenographer and the author of ‘My Life As A
Black Sikh’. Due to his father’s ultra-liberal interpretation
of Islam, there was no issue with his apostasy
and conversion into the Sikh faith.
Shaheed Lachhman Singh Babbar, formerly
Bashir Mohammad – Babbar was a former Punjab
police officer who embraced Sikhism when, ironically,
in the company of Sikh separatists whose
organisation he was attempting to infiltrate.
Kuldeep Manak, formerly Latif Muhammed - A
famous Punjabi singer who, after he embraced Sikh
philosophy, released a number of Sikh devotional
tracks.
Bhai Gurmohinder Singh, formerly Mahana Ali -
Now a Sikh clergyman, Singh embraced Sikhism in
1947. He was part of a rare East Punjabi Sikh delegation
that was later received by former Pakistani
premiere Nawaz Sharif.
Sant Lakhbir Singh, formerly Karim Baksh – Born
to devout Muslim parents, Singh converted to Sikhism
in 1903.
Allayar – A wealthy Muslim horse dealer of Delhi
who, after his conversion, became a Sikh preacher
during the time of Guru Amar Das.
Ajmer Singh, formerly Ibrahim Brahmi – A Muslim
recluse of the city Chhatteana, he received Sikh
baptism by the hand of Bhai Maan Singh.
Friday, May 30, 2008 at 9:04 pm
This was an interesting piece. I am a Muslim girl, entering 3rd year of undergraduate studies. I met my Sikh bf during our first year, and our relationship is similar to yours during the university years.
I really dislike the double standards of Islam, the hypocrisy as you stated. But I can’t get myself to convert, it’s not because I’m scared of my parents. Of course I would not want to hurt them. But being a Muslim is my identity and although there are reasons that make us ashamed of what our image is, I simply don’t want to convert, I do like Islam, although I don’t practice it. I am baffled at some of the sayings of course, but I follow what I can argue is right. I guess I use the religion according to what suits my lifestyle; which makes me very different from a traditional Muslim. I don’t regularly do my prayers, and follow all the customs, in fact I’ve broken some guidelines, but some part of me doesn’t want to leave the religion behind.
So, Amina, I have questions regarding the conversion? What was so attractive about Sikhism. From what my bf tells me, it sounds peaceful and good, and the image is no where close to negative as of Islam. Did you ever want your husband (then-boyfriend) to convert to Islam instead?
Thanks,
Sonia
Friday, July 25, 2008 at 1:15 am
Well, what can I say? I’m happy that you have a good relationship. I suppose that your husband’s family must treat you very well. I don’t agree with what you did, you know, leaving Islam and marrying a Sikh, but that’s life. We all have to make decisions and live with them. All the best.
Bilal
Friday, August 1, 2008 at 10:20 am
Nice informative blog madam. Good u found the truth in Sikhism. Baba Nanak never fired a single arrow and thousands of hindus and muslims became his followers. And not that he didnt criticise them. He made no tall claims like the Abrahamic prophets. Just put forth his message filled with love and logic.It shows that people respond to logic and not tall claims like saying “I am Prophet of God”.
U should give detailed stories of Sikh Gurus.Please.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Dear sonia,
I have recieved many comments similar to yours in life, many muslim girls in relationships with Sikh and other non-muslim guys but find it hard to bring themselves to convert. With Sikhism it was easy, because they worship one God ..and Allah’s name is mentioned as a name for God in the holy book (Sri Guru Granth Sahib). The big difference in Sikhism is that there is no seal of finality of prophethood, as there is in Islam. In Sikhism we are taught to see everyone as equal deserving of respect because the spirit of God resides within us all but in Islam unfortunately we are taught only see muslims as deserving of respect or love,compassion and brother/sisterhood.
Even then you still get muslims fighting muslims over who is the true sect (mainly sunni and shia), suicide bombings of innocents is justified by fanatics, stoning of women who are convicted of adultry is in islamic law, legalised murder of apostates under shariah law, animals dont have souls so cant enter jannah (if you ever had a pet you can tell it is a conscience being deserving of respect and love). I can go on and on.. Sikhism is more common sense and spiritual thats what drew me to it more and more even though what first attracted me to it was my bf.
If you love Islam that is fine, I dont see why you and you boyfriend cant be happy together even if you believe in different things. I have an article of a malaysian muslimah who is married to a turbaned sikh professor 20years ago they have 2 kids who respect both faiths, and I know an iranian muslim woman who has married a Sikh guy, and a pakistani woman married to a Sikh guy who have one daughter. So dont feel you have to convert in order to be with your boyfriend, Sikhism respects your right to believe in what you feel. If you want more information or contact me please drop your email address in your next post and I shall be in touch.
Rab Rakha,
Amina
Monday, August 16, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Amina
Will the gudwara actually marry my sikh boyfriend and I if I dont convert?
Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 8:24 pm
sure it will!
In fact, there is no “conversion procedure” to sikhism. Only “Amrit” procedure is there. And only small percent of sikhs have taken “Amrit”.
Friday, August 22, 2008 at 11:59 am
Dear Sonia,
Sikhs respect all faiths, in theory and practice. We believe in one God many paths. So you don’t need to leave Islam if that is your chosen path.
One of my closest friends was born a Muslim and has married a Sikh girl who kept her faith. He left Islam post 9-11, and although has not adopted Sikhism formally he is very respectful of our path and agrees with the teachings.
They have three wonderful children all who have been taught about both faiths and are free to chose their own paths.
My advice, leave your decision to God, follow your heart he will guide you.
Rab Rakha,
Akwal Singh
Monday, August 16, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Dear Akwal
I am also marrying a sikh boy. I am a caholic but I am more spiritual than religious. Can you point me to the sources of the sikh religion which state that there is one god but many paths?
I fundamentally embrace this concept and would be interested to learn more about this aspect of sikhism and about the sikh faith in general.
If you could point me in the right direction as far as reading materials go I would be very grateful.
With thanks
Nicole
Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 9:14 pm
http://www.srigranth.org Page 885
search for : “Some call Him”
In essence means people call God by different names. In essence, its the same one God
Monday, September 1, 2008 at 8:05 am
I am Sikh Guy and want to marry muslim girl. but thier parents are very traditional and strict. and it is also not possible to marry in court becaseshe told me to i want to marry you but only if my parents will accept you .so what to do please give me giudence .
Sunday, September 7, 2008 at 11:25 pm
hey there,
im 19 and have been with my muslim girlfriend for a year and 2 months – and we realise that we have VERY hard times ahead due to religion problems, we are very very serious about marriage and spending our life together.
Id just like to know what you had to go through in the process of marriage as i realise its stupidy hard for a muslim girl to break the mould and marry outside the religion…must have been tough.
i respect you highly for showing such courage to commit to your love
Monday, September 8, 2008 at 8:59 pm
hi i have a long story n dnt knw wt to do m sikh n maried t o muslim girl itz been 9 mnthz …’ll have baby in 1 week may be but her parents wnt me to change my religion coz ma wife wnt hur parentz n hur parentz cant accept me like that…….cant leve hur now as we luv each otha….cnt change ma relign coz u knw……i neva tel hur to change hur relign or nethin …..i tel hhur to put baby muslim name n sikh sur name she respect my relign we go gurudwara n all that but …….can ne 1 help me in this world n tel me wt shud i do
Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 5:35 am
Hello Amina,
I came across your page purely by coincidence. I was doing a google search, looking for pics to compliment with a poem of mine which was again, coincidentally, one that I wrote about the love between a Muslim girl and a Sikh man. I had dedicated this poem to one of my sweetest and best friends who is a Mexican girl and a Muslim and has admiration for all faiths. I came to respect and see the beauty of Islam only through her sweetness, although I myself am deeply fascinated by Sikhism. I would like to share this piece of work with you here, also dedicating it to those who are in this moment in their lives, if you do not mind. It is a work of fiction about inter-faith romance:
Never Before
Never before has Night in its shadowy grace
Ever been reluctant to behold in its own darkness
Such lovers’ passions longing to embrace -
With sleeping earth dreaming away as witness.
Many a tale of forbidden love
Has oft’ been kept in heart & mind;
But has any scribe ever been bold enough
To blot in ink this intoxicated kind?
O’erflowing from those anxious eyes
That seemed to search all over the fields;
She darted across, leaving behind
Her Mohammedan story, with her face concealed:
Lest some suspecting eyes might seem to chance
Upon her identity and who she was;
An’ stop her from getting her life-getting glance
At her beloved sweetheart right across-
Where he stood waiting to behold her eyes:
A glimpse of whom would make the world pale;
His own presence felt like paradise-
The enticer of her heart was from a simple Sikh tale.
Then suddenly she froze, like Time stood still:
Finally she’s got a glimpse of him!
In such moments even the Universe is thrilled -
Just like how lightning was stunned by them.
Hypnotized… he moved closer
To cradle her soul with all-consuming gaze;
By beholding her eyes – ever lovelier,
As he affectionately cupped her sweet-stressed face.
‘What word to utter of love?
In adoring you where do I start?
How to explain that with you in my arms
Feels like I’m holding my own heart?
Oh, God, Great Lover,
What games of love You play?
You place my heart in another creed,
And expect me to stay away.
But I’m grateful to You tonight,
For letting me hold my soul;
There’s nothing more for my gaze to kiss,
But to be one with her and whole.’
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ she cried:
‘Please look at me the way you do;
For I feel like an angel in your eyes,
Dancing in a heaven that flows through you!’
She lovingly let him unveil her face
So that his thumb could caress below her eyes;
As though her beauty was born only for his gaze,
And in his adoration her freedom lies.
Overwhelmed by his tender touch,
She lifted her face to meet his lips
As he moved his hands and cupped her such
An’ kissed her soul – taking sweet sips.
Her longing lips lingered on his
As they drank in their forbidden love,
Trying to recreate their heaven in this
Game of hearts played from Above.
‘I love you, now, and forevermore,
Beyond what my own heart can hold:
The way I always have in lifetimes before,
Beyond all passions and promises told.’
A shudder escaped her lips
As she wondered how could it be -
How could a human soul behold
A love beyond its own capacity?
She placed her hand on his chest,
In which raged his breathing flame;
Then replaced it with a tearful kiss,
Adoring her God in mortal frame.
Is this not what God is all about:
A union of varied forms and names?
Then why faiths of love are love-forbidding,
When the very God adored is the same?
Glad to have come across your page, and thanking you for this opportunity to share.
Sharan
Monday, October 6, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Hi Amina
I’m a sikh teenager and have so much love for sikhi it is unbelievable. Even though I do cut my hair and eat meat I enjoy learning about sikhi. I really admire what you did because I hear a lot of things about Islam becoming the fastest growing religion in the world… but in my opinion it is not about quantity but quality, and that is what sikhi has because its not just a religion but a way of life, you either follow it or you don’t. Don’t get me wrong I have no hatred towards Islam I just feel that it can get out of hand at times. I’m sure your husband treats you like a queen and I don’t blame him, and the decision you have made may it be a prosperous one in the future. I’m glad you have seen the light of sikhi.
Manny
Sunday, October 19, 2008 at 7:31 am
Dear Amina/Sonia,
As has been rightly pointed by some of the commentators, Sikhism is not rigid, it is most flexible, logical and way ahead of times. Only a very few of us understand it in true sense. I am glad amina has seen the true light of Sikhism. Sikhism is ‘against’ conversion by force. You would find so many sindhis, hindus and people from other faith visit gurdwaras for years without any suggestion from any one to convert. Sikhism treats all religions and all living being equally. Guru Granth Sahib is the only religious book to have teachings of hindu bhakats, muslim fakirs, even those belonging to lower cast among hindus. As I said only a few of us understand the true essence of Sikhism even though many of us practice it.
Rab Rakha!
Friday, November 7, 2008 at 7:51 am
Thank you for this blog. I’m from a muslim family and find this very useful because I’ve never really considered myself a real muslim but more of a sufi/mystic/agnostic. Your story is really inspiring to me. I have met a Sikh guy recently who I really like, and although it’s too early to tell if anything will happen, you’re blog has helped me realize that I shouldn’t let my reservations about him being a non-muslim get in the way of what could be a great relationship potentially (especially since I don’t even consider myself a muslim, it’s just the family you know…they prefer muslim boy, or non-muslim who converts – I’m not a big fan of having someone convert just to get married to me).
Monday, November 24, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I just wish being a sikh was not called a conversion sikh as being a sikh is just following truthfulness. It is not a competing “organized religion” . It is just a pledge to remain truthful and natural .
As guru granth sahib says ” neither I am a hindoo nor a muslim ..I am just a human being created by god (allah-ram-waheguru-what is in a name) ”
lets all leave these banners of division and unite under truth.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008 at 8:44 am
Hi All
I came across this webiste as did veerji sharan singh.
I like a muslim girl who has sent my world into turmoil! I cant think straight but behold her in every thought in every second of the day. Im not sure how she feels but it seems so wrong yet so right.
Its really getting me down but i dont want to say anything because i really dont want to lose her friendship. She has helped me out in the last few months big time. I really am confused.
What do i do?!
Amina i really wish you all the best in your marriage and am glad that both you and your husband have put behind you many social prejudices. May God bless everyone in the world and teach peace and love.
Kindest Regards
Confused
Thursday, December 11, 2008 at 11:31 am
Is it possible to get hold of veerji sharan singh email address please?
Sunday, January 18, 2009 at 6:24 am
Visit sikhtruth. com to learn about this great religion and its followers.Sikhism’s also the only religion to give full equality to men and women, fact. Sound like a religion you should follow. It is the only religion where the founders wrote their own holy book unlike Christianity and Islam where the founders had died long before anything was written hence there are likely to be fallacies in their holy texts.
Friday, February 6, 2009 at 1:48 am
Wow Amina… kudos to you; I applaud and envy your courage!
I am a muslim girl, dating a Sikh guy… we are both non-religious, yet religious by name/family (if that makes sense)
We have been dating for a while now, and I trust his character, and more importantly I have faith in him for the long-run, aka marriage…
However, neither of our parents know about our relationship… I personally know that my father and brother will be unaccepting, but the rest of my family, including my mother will gradually accept us… But in his case, I have no idea how his parents will react to us, or rather me…
Also, I dont want either of us to convert,… we are happy as we are; we, ourselves, accept the differences in our religion and don’t see it as a barrier (afterall, shouldnt love triumph over all?)
Do you have any suggestions as to how we should break it to our families? And also, what do you personally think the hardest/most difficult aspect of an inter-religious relationship?
My heartiest wishes to you on your marriage; may God bless us all
Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 8:55 am
Dear All,
reading your messages have made me SO happy. I was born a Muslim but am now agnostic. I am marring my agnostic American-Chinese boyfriend this year after trying to convince my parents for 3 years. Stick by your partners through the unhappiness of your family because religion and society should never come in the way of finding a person you love and marrying them. I will always remember you all and pray for you in my agnostic way =)
Monday, March 23, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh.
You know, I had the same situation but the other way around, I’m (was) Muslim and my wife is Sikh.
Originally, I was one of those Muslim nationalist guys and I wanted to convert my girlfriend, but lol, actually as I got closer to her, I was the one to accept the teachings of the guru.
After my girlfriend graduated we moved away, and that’s when I told my family my decision to become a Sikh.
Thanks for sharing your story
Kind Regards,
Hassan
Saturday, April 4, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Salaam,
I would like to start off by saying that i am a Pakistani Muslim woman in the UK, Sunni if that helps.
I have to choose between the Love of my life, a Sikh Man, or uphold my culture and am really just torn and confused.
At uni I met ‘Rav’. Initally we were just friends cuz we were on the same course, but we began having feelings for each other, and we tried to ignore them, but they just kept on growing. We tried to put them to one side and get on with Uni life, but we just could not keep away from each other.
We would always happen to ‘bump’ into one another, and then ‘just have lunch’ together, sit next to each other in Lectures and we would hardly go out in a group without each other.
This went on for a while till Rav asked me out directly. I was soo scared but we both wanted it so much. We have now been going out for 3 years.
He is everything i could ever want in a Man. He listens to me is thoughtful, funny and such a romantic person! x It is like it was always meant to be.
I am at an age now were i want to get married and Rav has got a good job and his own flat too.
He spoke to his parents who were not happy at all but he still introduced us to each other. Initally it was a little arkward but i have come to learn that his family are really nice and accepting of our relationship.
The only problem is that my parents dont approve of the Marriage and want me to marry my cuz back home.
They are always fighting telling me i am a bad person and i have no respect constantly abusing me and trying to get me to marry him but i dont want too.
I really want to spend the rest of my life with Rav, but I know that my parents are really upset because i am not listening to them, but the alternative provided ie my cuz back home in Pakistan is not what i deserve. He is bearly 15 y/o. Why should i have to go through this?? I have my own feelings and rights as woman.
I love Rav, He has moved mountains for me, stood up for me and always been there for me. In Pakistan i will not get this ever and I will not find a person like him again in my life.
Please help a torn Sister. x
Saturday, September 11, 2010 at 12:27 am
Hi I’m sorry 2 hear abwt ur situation it’s hard..I just wantd to ask how on earth did u tell ur perants????wat did u say nd hw??
Sunday, April 26, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Hi,
I was just trying to find a picture for an English project and I came across this.
Amina, I would just like to tell you how brave you are and how much I respect you; converting religions does not seem easy – although I bet you’ve heard this all before.
I am a teenage Sikh girl, so naturally, I find your story very sweet and romantic.
I just have two questions, if you don’t mind.
What religion do you teach your children?
Also, I know that your family was not thrilled about your decision, but I was wondering more about how your husband’s family reacted. Personally, I doubt I’ll ever convert and I see myself marrying a Sikh man sometime off in the future. But sadly, many Indians still do not like the idea of “dating” and try to force their kids into arranged marriages. Sikhi doesn’t say much or whether that is ok or not; our own Guru had arranged marriages, but those were in time with the culture. Now, our culture is starting to open up but strict families still maintain it is against Sikhi and “lustful” to date. I was just wondering how your husband’s family reacted and you dealt with it as a couple.
Thank you and may God bless you with happy life!
Friday, May 15, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Hi,
I found your life story very interesting. I’m in the same situation as you. I’m a muslim girl living in malaysia. I met my bf (who is a sikh by the way) during my first year in uni. We going to celebrate our second anniversary this july. Lately i’ve been very very worried about our future. We want to get married in 4-5 years time. The problem is….. our families….
His family does not allow their sons or daughters to get involve with other races….. with a really big emphasis on muslims…. they would really disown him if they knew….
My family (mum, bro, granma, aunt) is cool with this. They wanted me to be happy, so they would accept anyone i choose to marry…. the only thing they wanted is…. for my bf to convert to muslim before marriage….. anyways, there is a rule in malaysia whereby it states that non-muslims must convert before marrying muslims….
We are really in a big dilemma right now…. one of us has to sacrifice something in order to get married….. if my bf converts and marries me….. he loses his family….. if he didn’t convert….. i would lose him…..
i actually don’t mind him not converting….. it would be cool for him to practise sikhism and me being a muslim…. our family would be unique….. our children would know both sides of the religion and they could choose the one that they wanted to be in…..
if we get married without him converting….. we both would be in jail…. what are we going to do?
Friday, May 29, 2009 at 10:00 am
Hi, I came across this by chance.
I’m a Muslim girl and I’ve been with my Sikh boyfriend for almost 2 years already. He’s very nice to me and he’s the love of my live. We see each other in our future and we really would want to marry each other when the right time comes.
In the beginning, it was pretty ok on my side. My whole family loved him. He comes over for dinner, my mum packs food for him, we invite him for Eid. Everything was smooth, he’s allowed to come to my house and we would just chill.
And then, comes along his CRAZY mother. She went ballistic after finding a photo of us in his wallet. She searches for his wallet when he’s in the shower, searches through my text msgs when he’s aslp. She even searches for me on Google. It’s horrible when I find out from my boyfriend that she knows alot about me without even meeting me at all! Then she calls me on my phone, to persuade me to break it off. Then she prank calls me at work! Then she asks my bf’s dad to call me, and tell me the same thing over again. I remember, it was on Valentine’s Day and I cried so much listening to what he has to say.
Everyday, his mum would ask his siblings about me, whether I’ve left him or not and vice versa. His mum even threaten him that she would not state his name on her will if he marries me. My bf just said he doesn’t want their money. And then, one day, his mum told my bf that she found out about my address online and my home number and my dad’s full name. We were both out together, and she called my house. It was the first time she’s talking to my mum and she’s saying all these things like how she never wants my boyfriend to convert etc etc. My mum wasn’t actually affected by it but my dad was. He’s a convert himself (christian to muslim) and he’s hearing all this, and he gets turned off. He told me to stop wasting my time. I told him, no one can arrange my life.
From then on, both of us never speak about each other to our families. My parents know we’re still together but they just keep mum about it.
I won’t convert, and neither will he. Both of us believe in God but we’re not religious. How am I suppose to marry him without hurting my family? And with his family not hating him?
We’re very happy now in fact. He doesn’t talk much about the future because we’re all busy working and jsut leading life day by day. But what happens in the future? Me and my bf talked about this before but we just come to a conclusion that we’ll just marry without converting. But is that even possible?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009 at 12:10 am
Hi
im a muslim girl who does not like dating muslim guys.i find sikh lad really attractive. i also like the way they live and the way the women and men have equal rights. i have dated a few sikh lads but they are too scared to have a relationship with me due to what their family will say. they are to scared to commit with a muslim girl. i have never seen or heard a muslim girl getting married to a sikh boy. i have now read the stories above and shocked and i have a little hope i might meet a good sikh lad who loves me soo much. i don’t kno what to do. im confused. i don’t know how to impress a sikh lad? i have always dreamt of getting married and dating a sikh lad. it is like i have blood of a sikh in my blood. i have tried leaving my family as i have alot of arguements with them. when i did leave i wanted to convert to sikhism. i don’t really kno much about it too. i don’t kno why i want to convert so badly. its like the gurus r caling me to them. help me plz..what do u think of my situation?
Sunday, October 25, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Aww Aisha,
Take one day as it comes and you will find yr prince charming. The beauty of Sikhism is the oneness of all humanity. Try learning more about Sikhi.
Kam x
Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Hey,
I came across this page merely by coincidence. Im going through the same thing. Ive been dating my sikh boyfriend for a year now, hes only religious by name/family. Im muslim my families not at all religious yet they want to uphold the name, and god forbid i marry out of my culture. My moms very acceptance, she doesnt judge. She won’t make a big deal out it even if i did. Shes okay with us dating. She knows that i do want to be with him in the long run. But then comes his family, he hasn’t told them yet. They have very backwards views on muslims and how marrying them is wrong even if they convert. His mother is a tad bit psycho about the whole ordeal which stresses him out. I love him so much, and i know he loves me, but the problem is as every child he loves them, and im scared that he wont be able to deal with the problems that might occur in the future. I want to be able to trust him yet apart of me is scared. Iam so confused. My mom tells me every day of all the shit that i will have to deal with if i choose to stay with him yet I do stay, and a part of me feels like hes ashamed. Why wont he just tell his parents? Why won’t he just man up and admit it. We’re not kids and in a couple of yrs i want to start my life with this man, but i feel that hes not even being a man at this point because he’s worried about mommy and daddy. Sigh…I wish there was an easy answer to all this, which i know there is not but it’s nice to get it out.
Thursday, December 3, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Hi Mariam,
There is never an easy answer, and sometimes when the answer is apparent, we choose to ignore it…
I just read your post, and to me, I saw a pretty clear answer in there. Im not sure how old you or your bf are, but you have been only dating for a year, and girls tend to be more mature than boys and will have more focus on the long term aspect…
You seem to have doubts about your bf man-ing up and introducing you to his family; its a really big step…maybe a little too early since its only been a year?? I dont know how emotionally attached you guys are and to what level of understanding you two share, but one thing is for sure, is that you are feeling skeptical about the whole situation.
Honestly, at this moment, think about what you want and what will make you happy, emotions aside. Once you’ve done that, let your bf know that there has to be a time frame as to when the BOTH of you will introduce one another to your own family… and see how that goes… if he still feels uncomfortable with the situation, well then you have to judge for yourself if thats how you want the rest of your relationship to be like…
Best wishes to you
Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 6:26 pm
tell me abou pakistani muslim girl marrying sikh boy without converting
Monday, December 21, 2009 at 12:54 am
Hey
can anyone help me? I’m sixteen years old and Sikh I’ve met this amazing girl at college and i have extremely strong feelings towards her and she feels the same about me but because she is Muslim and her parents wont allow her to be with a Sikh, she can’t be with me due to that im trying everything even showed her this site, yet she still can’t be with me. What should i do?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Love can conquer all. That is if your love and HER love is serene.
Keep loving her and it could also mean letting her go one day so she isn’t miserable. I am 52, male ahppily married. I will share with you one day that there was A GIRL- A SIKH GIRL- who couldn’t live without me and I couldn’t live without her BUT we had to. We had to be apart because our relationship meant abuse of her mother. That tortured her and indirectly me. So we backed off. Love meant that we had to take that road.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 7:53 pm
WoW!
A great page sister/daughter.
I am very impressed by your humanity and logic.
Keep up the good work!
Friday, February 5, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Hi there.
I’m in a relationship with a sikh.
I’m a Singaporean who wants to have a civil marriage but heard it can’t be done as i’m a muslim and he’s a sikh.
Just wanna ask if anyone could give any suggestions?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 1:53 am
hello
my names farrah im 24 years old and im seeing a sikh lad it will be 1 year to us on the 8th of march
dharam is my boyfriend our relationship is the best thing thats ever happend in my life im so glad to have met him but because of religion im scared to lose him we are really serious about each other and as the days go by i just dred the day he will leave me i dont want to leave him im willing to convert for him cause hes keeps me ever so happy its untrue and not even words can describe how much he loves me his family are strict so are mine
i can prob get my family to come around but i doubt his will but im lost and confused i dont want to lose him i need him in my life and i cannot see him with anyone else
i dred to see that day and i want help and advice
i pray to god to just give me dharam and ill never in life ask him for anything else and ill thank him for the rest of my life i just want him to give me a chance i hate how religion gets in the way of things cant people just see at the end of the day we are all human
im confused lost and scared!!!!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010 at 11:55 pm
hi, my name is aneesha and my story is somewhat strange and unorthodox. This is a little detailed but i feel that i need to say it all to get my point across and so someone can help me answer my ultimate question. Ok, so needless to say im pakistani. Im also married, to a pakistani. My first and only boyfriend however, was ranjit, a sikh. We met at university and his ‘bad boy’ image attracted me somewhat. Coming from a very traditional family, i was a picture of the perfect pakistani girl, headscarf, modest clothes and fear of god in my heart. Ranj seemed different to other guys and always made an effort to try and talk to me, nothing specific just friendly chat. When it came to doing a case study for one of our modules, we were put into the same group. There were 5 of us together Ranj, myself, two white guys and a white girl. Intentional or not, the white students tended to work together on certain parts, leaving Ranj and I to work together on other parts. Thats how it started. I started seeing him for what he was, beyond being sikh, and i strangely began ejoying spending time with him. We talked about so many things, shifting away from our work we often talked about india pakistan tension and how it was in the uk. He slowly opened up and i learned about his love for pakistani girls, especially as he emphasised hijab (headscarf) wearing girls. Obviously this made me feel very special and drew me close to him. I kept thinking it was wrong and when i went home i felt bad when i was with my family. But my feelings for Ranj were taking over. We started dating and even in the 1st month i was really unsure, but my desires took over, i felt so happy, so comfortable and so in love. I kept wearing my headscarf as Ranj really liked it, i dont know if at the time it was like a trophy thing but he really enjoyed me wearing it. He slowly introduced me to a kind of life that i didnt know of, going out a bit more, not so conservative clothes etc. The relationship grew stronger and i was soon besotted and willing to do anything Ranj said. Four months in and we began enjoying an intimate relationship, that is when i knew i belonged to Ranj. We talked about marriage and he asked me if i would become sikh. I initially declined but said id think about it. Slowly i began toying with the idea and quite enjoyed. Ranj began writing ‘Kaur’ between my 1st and 2nd name on work and on cards he would give me. I thought this was really sweet and i adopted it. Things like this carried on i began to embrace sikhism slowly. Ranj told me not to cut my hair and i began wearing a kara. I started associating with sikhs and went to sikh society meetings with Ranj. I also went to the gurdwara secretly and it was very exciting and new. I started learning more and probably knew more than the average sikh girl at my uni. One of the hardest things was when Ranj told me he wouldnt let me eat meat anymore. This was particularly difficult as chicken was my favourite. I asked if i had to become vegetarian, and Ranj told me i did. Then came the blow, if i wanted chicken, it had to be non-halal. I opted vegetarian obviously. It was 6 weeks later and we were in the library, i had a lot of work on and had missed lunch. I was complaining how hungry i was and how i could do with something chickeny. Ranj laughed and told me that i knew the rules. I said i knew and that i was ready. I’d never seen Ranj so surprised, he confirmed ‘non-halal chicken?’ He must have seen the excitement on my face and shot off. He came back with a chicken sandwich from the shop on campus, so romantic! I was trembing with excitement and nerves as i took my 1st bite. It hit me like a bullet, i realised how far id gone, but it was such a small step to see a smile on the face of the one that i loved more than anything. He said he loved watching me eat that. From then on anywhere we went i had to have meat that wasnt halal. Ranj said he wanted me to try pork, but that was something that i wasnt ready to do, he didnt pressure me but asked me regularly and said that i should try and get out of that mentality and maybe surprise him one day if i was serious about him.
Two years later, just before the end of uni, things happened which would lead to our breakup. We both had pressure from our parents regarding marriage, especially me as i was getting some rishtey. I tried so hard to hold on to Ranj but he gave me an ultimatum, tell my family or we’re over. I finally plucked up the courage to tell my mother and it was the hardest thing that i’ve ever done. Things went absolutely crazy at home, my mum and sisters stopped talking to me, my brother slapped me, and worst of all, my father became very ill and was in hospital. And i hadnt even told them that the one i love is sikh! I got so scared and immediately back tracked. I was so week and in a trance of family emotion i chose them over Ranj and agreed to the last rishta that had come for me. Ranj was devastated. He swore and called me every name under the sun, i tried to explain but all i could tell him was how much i loved him. But he was right, when i reflected i couldnt believe i was doing this, after everything id sacrificed and changed for him, but for the sake of my family, i couldnt do it. Marriage preparations began and as things settled a bit between Ranj and I we began to talk again. The semester had finished and Ranj was back at home. My wedding was around the corner and Ranj asked if he could see me one last time before i got married. I had to agree and we spent one last night together. I wated him to know how much i loved him, so i fulfilled one of his long time wishes and surprised him by taking a ham (and cheese) sandwich and asked him 2feed me it. He was so nice about it and said i didnt have to if i didnt want, but i said i was ready and did it.
We didnt see each other again and i got married. I still kept up some of the things that i know would have made Ranj proud. I refuse to ever cut my hair even though my husband constantly complains about it, i just wear it up in a bun as many sikh women do, i wear a kara and claim its just a bangle but i’ve never been asked about it. And im now a vegetarian! In the last 6 months i’ve tried to stop cooking it too and thats lead to a lot of arguing at home. When i can i go to the next town to the gurdwara. I’ve also stopped wearing the headscarf. The reason for this activity is that about a year ago i got an e-mail from Ranj on facebook. We started chatting again and all them feelings came back. I have told him i still love him and he says the same. I would be so much happier with him. He gives me new things to observe as part of sikhism and this helps me to disconnect with my husband and family. He has even asked me to get a Khanda tattoo somewhere discreet to prove my sincerity, but though my hubby and i arnt very intimate i dont think i could guarantee he wouldnt see it. He asked me to meet with him and for me leave and be his forever.
My ultimate question and the advice that im seeking is that should i leave my husband for the love of my life?
Also, what further steps can i take to embrace sikhism. Please please help.
Aneesha
Thursday, July 8, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Hey aneesha, Ive just been reading your story and find it rather disturbing. Im also a hijabi going out with a sikh guy who wears a turban. Im very religious and so is he. Islam is not a barrier to marrying a non muslim you just need to be sincere.
My other half never asks me to take off my hijab he loves it. And he would never ask me to eat pork or non halal food to prove my love to him. This is purely somenone subtly moving you away from your religion. If you think about it this man who you say you love supposedly fell in love with you knowing you were muslim and wearing a hijab so why has he tried to change you why does he not love you just the way you are? Its funny how you have never asked him to eat halal food to prove his love for you? Why are you the one compromising everything for this man? Love is not this.
My other half loves me for who i am, i deliver Islamic talks and go to mosque to attend them and he loves it and asks me what i spoke about or what i learnt. I attend the gurdwara no problem but i wont do mattha terk and he doesnt have a problem with that and i would never ask him to do something that would compromise his religion. Religion is greater than any man and woman you just have to work with it not abandon it for a person who has just entered your life. I love my other half for the fact that he is religious it doesnt matter what religion you follow just follow it properly and dont take the piss. It saddens me that you removed your hijab (which my other half refers to as my crown) for him it seems you have changed completely forgetting your identity for a man where he has made no change. There is no need for this you should love each other for the way each peron is and not try and change them. The things you change is character etc. Remember one thing he knew you were muslim and you knew he was sikh yet you seemed to have adopted his way and abandoned your own? Does he really love you?
My other half and me have spoke about things and he said to me he would leave me if i ever converted to sikhism or changed for him and i said the same. I love sikhi and Islam so whats the problem???
You need to seriously evaluate his love for you and his intentions. Just imagine if u married him you would change completely just to win him over thats not love??
Plus you may not have family support so you will be further inclined to adopt his ways, where is your self belief and your own identity?? Marry him and he should marry you for the way you are. God did not make a mistake by making you muslim and him sikh so who are we to change that, do we think we will make a better decision than God?
Friday, August 20, 2010 at 12:31 am
Hi Ruksy,
Thank you so very much for your reply. I found it very inspirational and i really admire your steadfastness. I totally understand the points you have made and until now maybe i was just brushing them aside but it is true what you say. However, the problem that i have is that I am in love with him, and that is where the compromisation kicks in. I know its probably wrong, but i cant help the way i feel and want to do anything i can to be with him and for him to be happy. I wish you every happiness, your relationship seems to be great and may God keep it that way for you. Many thanks again
Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Aneesha,
Your love Ranj is playing with your emotions. Things like eating pork to “prove” something are just stupid. “Khanda Tatoo” is another stupidity.
The sikh way is NOT forcing others from their way. Its attracting people to sikh way. What he is doing is emotional force.
Embracing sikhism to be with Ranj is not the solution. What if you can’t be together ? I would implore you to think clearly on this.
The only reason one should adopt sikhism is to learn Nanak’s way of Truth.
Friday, May 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm
i’m a sikh…
my girl is a muslim…
how to married??
must i convert or she convert??
3years with her n now we start to think about it
Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 11:52 am
ASk Singh ji,
Farhat here, i m also in love wd a sikh guy n em muslim,,.. well i can only gv u ths one sugession that love dont follow ne religion..it is love wich is a sacred religion for lovers..
if you guys turly in love wd each other neither you nor your Gf have to change or convert..
evrybody knows that there is a spritual powr by wch we are here..For Love..
so if HE sends us here to love thn y v are so afarid of nethng??
read truth follow truth..
there is One God n ths is reality, as far as religion concern, evry religion says to respect each others, peace for humanity,to respect our parents who are the only one for us who loves us..
so nobody can recommnd you better as u can….
undrstand love, spread it…
n just dont afraid of nethng InshaAllah He will guide u to take to the ryt path..
Friday, May 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm
i’m a sikh…
my girl is a muslim…
how to married??
must i convert or she convert??
3years with her n now we start to think about it…
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 11:34 am
As a muslim woman married to a sikh man I must just say that although both our families are now fine with our decision to get married, it did take time.
For me the most important thing was to remember that you cannot force someone to think and believe in the same things as you,so if your parents disagree with your decision you should accept that in the same way you wish them to accept your choice.
One thing that did shock me though about the Sikh culture is just how sexist the men are, and if you come from a muslim background where there is no alcohol and men and women are treated equally (like I did) it can be a big shock.
I always thought that Sikhism advocated equality but in the domestic situation and when entertaining I have found time and time again that the gender roles are so backward!! The women become the ‘slaves’ and spend all the time in the kitchen keeping the men happy whilst the men get totally drunk! What’s worse is they expect the women to pick up after them even if they have done wrong!!
Can anyone explain why such things happen and why are the women so scared to stand up against it?
This to me is not what sikh culture is about but in my five years of mingling with various sikh communities, this is exactly what happens!
So anyone expecting to marry a sikh just take this cultural experience into account-lucky for me, my husband does not conform to those mentioned behaviours so it is just something I come into contact with when we have to visit relatives etc
Hope this may have helped those of you looking to take the plunge!
Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 8:49 pm
Pritsy,
Tell your husband that his religion teaches equality of gender; and he is not following his religion, if he thinks men are superior.
Friday, June 18, 2010 at 3:01 pm
I’m a 27 years old British hijabi Muslim lady in a serious long term relationship with a Sikh guy and very much in love. For some weeks we have discussed marriage and how the ceremonies would go. Neither of us wants a big wedding just a small ceremony. He doesn’t even want me to convert for him when it comes to the actual day but I have started to learn about Sikhism and am willing to embrace it, yet he respects me so much that he insists I continue to wear the hijab.
I want to marry my boyfriend but scared to tell my family as they are very strict and want me to get married within the family to a cousin brother back home (Pakistan). I don’t want to let them down yet I can’t marry a cousin brother let anyone other than Harjinder (my boyfriend) I know several friends and cousins sisters who have married guys of their family choice then ended up divorced a year later single mums. The same probably will happen with me if I go with my families choice.
Harjinder is my ideal man, he is my future but I dont know what to do. Although having read amina’s story and some of the comments on this site it has really helped to know I’m not the only one out there.
Friday, June 18, 2010 at 5:41 pm
Hi Nazia I know where you coming from but dont give up on marrying your boyfriend. I come from similar circumstances however I followed my heart and now my family is more chilled out as my brothers and sisters have married their own choice of partners also. My parents have learnt to accept my Sikh husband, who was my boyfriend for 3 years before we got married 10years ago now and have 3 great kids.
I see myself as quite a happy content modern sikh/muslim woman now but it wasnt easy as the typical muslim parent mentality kicks if a girl and wants to marry a non-muslim. However me being stubborn and determined I went ahead and we married in a gurdwara in a Sikh ceremony attended by a select small group of friends and family. If you really love each other then go for it. Before taking the plunge work out some basics like how you can live together, is he financially independant and able to look after you? does he have his own place, when you have kids how will you raise them? you can’t predict the future but its helps to know what direction to go in.
Thursday, September 2, 2010 at 3:07 am
Hey everyone, I know this is a website for Muslim girls who are with or married to Sikh guys!
I’m a Sikh guy, even tho I’m not practising Sikh I still class myself as a Sikh guy,
I’m 21 years old not being big headed but I’d say I’m I attractive guy! I wasn’t really in to girls and stuff until I was 17 at college were I’d get slot of attention from girls manly due to my looks,
Every girl wanted me jus so they could say they had been with me. So I just didn’t really bother with girls. Had a few flings, nothing serious. I all ways believed in sex after marriage I wanted to wait for the right girl and then live happily ever after knowing I have only had sex with one person.
One day I left my college and went to another college on my own as I wasn’t really passing. As I was jus drinking messing around with Mates. So here I was at this small college when I mean small you’d know everyone in the building. I went their jus to get away from having all the attention Being they guy that every girl wanted. First few weeks I just said hey n bye to class mates talked now and then as soon as I’d finishe my day if go home. On the very first day one girl stood out to me.
Not being rude but you can’t tell what religion what caste someone is by their name. Any way this girls name was Armina and in my head I was just hoping telling myself she’s Indian she’s sikh dnt worry and so I just got friendly with her and we’d actually talk alot swapped numbers, getting to know each other and slowly slowly I feel for her.it took me a whole day to convince her to go out with me because she wasn’t looking for now one and I wasn’t as well both jus wanted to pass college make something of put lifes.
And then bang we started dating. This was a first for me. My first girlfriend my first love. We grew with one and another she was Muslim by name but not by belief she didn’t believe in any religion.
I was so madly on love I didn’t care what she was. But that is what i thought we had lots of people trying to break us up! People we didn’t even know. Few of her friends who were all Indian tried to break us up. They would put things in my head, and it did used to get to me not that she’s Muslim but jus other little things and as this was my first relationship I was confused I’d create arguments and fight instead of show her how I really feel. And apart of that was because I was scared to tell my family. Even ton Armina said she’d convert which I’m strongly dis agree and strongly agasint her doing because I feel in love with her not what she is but who she is. And because of us fighting and arguing we actually split up! I hate people who got involved and I’d love to win her back and be happy because since Shea gone I can’t live. I might sound stupid but I messed up at uni and can’t physical be happy I turned 21 recently and I was depressed. We still have friends in common but she jus won’t talk to me and I don’t know what to do!
I need help and advice. Do I leave her alone and move on as she asked me to? Do I jus give her space. Do I ring her every second of the day? I’m jus confused.…….
Friday, September 10, 2010 at 11:56 pm
Hi Amina..ur story helps a little I hav been with my sikh bf 4 about 2years I love him grately nd we would like to get married..I dnt know how to tell my perants
…I love him regardless though plz help
and what to say..he would like to convert to islam and is going ahead with it soon..but I’m afraid of how and what to say to my perants as he was Sikh
Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 10:11 pm
can someone please help me!? im a 25 year old muslim girl and have been with my sikh partner for 7years. we met at school, where we were great friends. slowly over the period of 3yrs we found ourselves falling in love with eachother, even though we were not in a relationship at that point. from the day we got together i knew he was the person i wished to spend the rest of my days with, and to this day that hasnt changed.
we were always clear from the begining that neither of us expected the other to convert, and that still stands.
for years we’ve wanted to settle down but didnt know how to tell our parents. but we’re both at that stage in life where we desperately want to settle down with eachother, n start a family. im so scared. as much as i love my family, they are like a pack of wolves at times, and im worried they will make my life hell. my mum brought my sister and i up as a single parent, she has worked so hard, n i dont want to break her heart n shatter her dreams. but i cant leave my partner. we were eachothers first love n i c my future only with him. we’ve waited so long. all my friends are either married or having babies, n i just want to get on with my life. will they ever come around? im not foolish enough to think that they will eva agree with my choices, but i hope in time that they will tolerate it. i am just sooooo scared
Tuesday, November 2, 2010 at 6:07 am
I am marrying a sikh guy and i am a muslim girl. I know it is a though decision to make. I have been with him for very very long time like 7-8 yrs. But still when the marriage comes in i am still so scared. Well maybe because he is very stubborn guy. If he doesnt have a problems with my religion and all. I am good to marry him and have life and children, but sometimes him being very selfish it dissapoints me and scares the hell out of me. I feel like i didnt do the wrong thing then. I guess it depends on the person who ure with or sating with. Doesnt matter what culture or religion when the person is nice and makes u feel good, gives u value, and no arguments then u can do anything to be with that person. I have finally accepted to marry the sikh guy but i am so scared of going hell since the Quran says when u marry a non-muslim you go to hell… I hope Allah forgives me and helps me with my life. At the end sometimes there is nothing you can do because fate has brought you together and if Allah wishes he could have changed our fate. So marrying someone non-muslim wasnt my ideal marriage but i started to believe in fate instead of religions… I still am muslim but i try to keep this issue separate from what life can bring and take from u…
Monday, November 22, 2010 at 3:07 am
To all women who are considering marrying outside Islam to be with the one they love, please stay strong and don’t give in to family pressure. The most important thing in this world is love, nothing else. All you need is love in your hearts. What is written in a book that is 1400 years old is no longer as relevant for today’s world. As long as you respect each other’s beliefs and your fundamental beliefs don’t clash. You should also be in agreement about how you want to lead your life together, how you will raise your children (i.e. what religion/s, if any). Patience, love, communication, tolerance and understanding are the most important things. Not which religion you happened (by chance) to be born into. God created us to be different, but equal, and to get along with each other. To not judge each other and to love each other, no matter what we believe or where we are born. Good luck to everyone, remember love is number one!
Thursday, December 23, 2010 at 10:13 am
Do u guys recommend running away? I’m a Sikh guy and my fam is koo with everything but her fam is very strict about their Islamic views. I just need sum advice on how she could break it to
Her parents etc. Any help would be appreciated
Friday, January 7, 2011 at 11:43 am
Dear All,
Good if you can do it, however I still feel it is a matter of time.Slowly even this will change and more muslim girls will be able to marry Sikh bf with agree-ment of all.
Saturday, January 15, 2011 at 7:59 pm
Aval Allah Nur Upaya Kudrat Ke sab Bande,
EK Nur te sab jag upje, kon bhale kon mande.
I have been reading this blog for a long time and really was feeling great about the luv relationship going on in between different sect guy and gals.
No religion teaches bad about any other religion. Its just a way of life. Some selfish persons have made religion so narrow that people sometime start hating their own religion.
U have to live your own life which should be full of love, peaceful and meaningful. If your own religion guy makes your life hell, then where is the question of going to hell after death. when u have got hell here in this birth.
My suggestions/advise to all guys and gals to live your own life meaningful.
All the best.
Friday, March 4, 2011 at 8:40 pm
Good work. keep it up. May allah waheguru god bhagwaan bless U. I m a sikh by chance but not traditional. I want to find a muslim girl to marry and spend the rest of my life with her. I don’t want to find a girl to live with but wanna find a girl who I won’t b able to live without. I m in canada but wanna move back in india to live an easy n happy life. I m tired of rat racing life of north america. I m 38 yrs young. Thanx.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011 at 8:42 am
Dear all,
Living peacefully and in love is very important.
Sikhs are proud to be followers of a religion that contributed to provide freedom and self expression for all the indo/pak nation and the world. It is the only religion that has its “Guru Granth Sahib” is written by the gurus themselves. It is ever true and does not need changing has infinte wisdom that is still being understood.
However Sikhi is not an easy religion to practice – one has to be true to oneself and true to the Lord – try that then there is not many options than being good human.
One must clarify the path by understanding what is involved in the relationship. Everybody is born a ‘Sikh’ it is the path we take after that makes us different. (Guru Nanak) I suggest a forum for more information http://www.sikhphilosophy.net where you can express, ask and contribute to learn about Sikhi, Islam or other routes to find the TRUTH which is god. For those interested in Sikhi here is a video that explains how Sikhi came about (it is 2 hrs long but please see it right through it is worth it) http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6328595918868971690&q=surinder+khahira#
I also add a dictionary that can be used to translate Guru Granth Sahib into English.
http://www.srigranth.org/servlet/gurbani.dictionary
May Lord help and Rab Rakha
Wednesday, April 20, 2011 at 1:16 pm
hi aminah m going through the same situation which u hv been through couple of years ago..my bf is sikh n he is having a lot of trouble in speaking to his family about our relationship..v dnt knw wot to do coz his family keeps sayong NO n he doesnt want to go against his family’s decision
its tearing me aprat..wot actually surprises me is sikhs also believe in ONE God then y dnt they accept us
Wednesday, May 25, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Salaams
Can someone please help me out! I am a muslim girl whos in love with a sikh guy! We have been going out for over 2 years now, we never thought we would end up like this, as we only started off as being mates but then gruaduly ended up creating deep feelings for each other without even realising! last year i asked my mum what she would do if i wanted to marry a sikh guy, she told me that no one would approve of it and that it would bring shame to the family name. so then thinking about this i thought leaving him now would be the best option for me so i stopped talking to him and everything but we couldnt do it and i startd chatting and seeing him again, now everything just feels right! we want to get married and settle down but am scared to drop it to my family as my brothers are very strict n very islamic! how do i tell my family? my sister told me that the only way our family would probly approve of it if he converted and accepted islam, but the thing is i dont know how to ask him about it am just scared that his going to think what the hell she playing at?!
sometimes just thinking about all this i just think that running away with him would just be the most easiest option for me!
can someone please help me out!?
thank you
Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 10:03 pm
hi im a muslim girl, and after the bombings i just didnt have faith in islam at all, getting to know sikhism made me realise that its full of love, happiness and equality, i feel equal now going to the temple with my husband, i was muslim and my husband is sikh, we married each other 3 years ago and i love it. i am now pregnant, our parents are very happy with us as we are educated individuals.
all i have to say is that do what your heart tells you to do, theres no guarentee in life, you can marry a muslim or a jew or a sikh, all depends on how happy you want to be in life.
God bless.